I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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