What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
