Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
