Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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