i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
