I wanna passion pit in your ass
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
