I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
