One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
