Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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