so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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