he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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