sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
