1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
