i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
