you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
