dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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