okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
