why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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