Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
