im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I touched a dick in church today
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