oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
