you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
