You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
