bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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