I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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