I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
