im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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