I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
