I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
