Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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