I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
