dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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