you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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