i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
