wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
