morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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