and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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