yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
birth control should be required to get into college
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
