It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
