I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
