so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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