actually, I'm a sock model
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
