I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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