Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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