ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
