So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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