He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
