She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
