rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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