It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
