You're my little dorito
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
