Who wears a wallet chain?!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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