I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
