the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
